In the local newspaper today, an advertisement for a temporary teacher's aide position at the school where I used to work (as a teacher's aide too) caught my eye. Is this my way back into the workforce after over a year of being out of work, essentially due to illness?
The coincidental thing is that my old boss from the school rang tonight. She was ringing to say hello and to invite me out to the school's musical on Friday night. (Events like school musicals are big social outings in a small town). When I asked her about the position, she said that I should get my butt down to the school and collect an application package. She even added that if I hadn't collected an application package before Friday night, she would bring one with her to the musical. How about that, hey! She is keen for me to apply for the position.
I must admit, however, that I am of two minds when it comes to returning to work. On the one hand, I am terrified. What if the added stress (not that being a teacher's aide is particularly stressful) tips me over the edge again? I am tired of screwing up jobs because I can't handle them. I'm tired of feeling like crap too I guess, so I don't want to get involved in something that makes me feel worse.
On the other hand, perhaps getting back into the workforce is a good idea. It would get me out of the house and focusing on something other than how I am feeling at any given moment. After all, this teacher's aide position in only for the last term of the school year and it is only 20 hours per week. That has got to be manageable, right?
The extra money would be brilliant. Despite Hubby working in the mining industry which is a high paid industry here in Australia, money is tight on just one wage. We waste a heap of money each pay on luxuries like pay TV and cigarettes. Although Hubby tries his best not to pressure me into going back to work before I am ready, he never fails to mention an open administration job that he hears about.
I just don't know. I've checked to see that this teacher's aide position is not already held by someone and the school just had to advertise it due to equal opportunity laws. It's not. The position has become available due to an education department grant. I've checked to see that it is not an identified indigenous position. It's not. It is open to anyone regardless of cultural background. The only thing I didn't check was the flexibility of hours worked. I want to continue with my pdoc appointments, so that means I require at least half a day off per week. Since the position is only 20 hours per week, I would imagine that is feasible.
Oh well, I could be worrying about nothing. I have to apply first and then be accepted for an interview even before I am considered for the position. I might not even get that far into the selection process. I suppose I will pop down to the school tomorrow afternoon and collect an application package. I can only take it from there.
Good on you mate! I'm glad you are applying. As you say, you can only apply and see what happens. I think it's a brilliant opportunity. I understand your anxiety and fears about stress and another possible melt down. But I would encourage you to take it one step at a time and see what happens.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Polar Bear
Well, it sounds as though this was meant to be. I say that you should apply and then follow your heart. I totally understand about not wanting to "screw up" again, but so what if you do? In the meantime you make some money, get out of the house, get on a regular schedule, get more of a social life, etc etc. I say go for it! At the same time, give yourself ten minutes a day to stress about work. If you have thoughts at other times, put them away for your ten minutes. You go girl!
ReplyDeleteI am not sure how I found my way to you! But here I am visiting.
ReplyDeleteI was very moved by your blog, its emotions, questions and thoughts were raw and poignant.I hope that you can find the balance that can give you peace and meaning in life. I too suffer with a depressive disorder. Finding that peace is illusive sometimes.
I used to have a penpal in Australia as a very young schoolgirl. She lived in New South Wales, and we wrote to each other for almost ten years. I learned so much about your wonderous country!!
You do a good thing to take the job. As for the anxiety and all that feelings after taking up a responsibility. I also had this and this was because I wanted to do things fast and perfect. Give yourself more time and go on step by step. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteJUST GIVE IT A GO!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteshivers!
xx