Wednesday Reflection

Now that I have purged all of my angst, I guess I should try sitting down and writing about today's pdoc appointment and trip into the semi big smoke.

As often happens, my mind drifted onto darkish thoughts during both the drive into the semi big smoke and the drive back home. On the way in, I found myself thinking about the last time I overdosed on medication. I remembered how out of it I was after the meds had started to take effect. I remembered how easy it was. I remembered how surreal it was. I got to thinking how easy it would be to try again, of how freakin' good it would be to not have to deal with anything anymore. I'm on different meds now though. I wonder what the effect would be. On the way home I got to thinking about guns again. These are only thoughts to toy with, however. They don't mean anything at this stage.

On a brighter note, the actual appointment was okay. If I am not mistaken, I think I spoke the most during today's appointment that I have during any previous single appointment. I still find myself thinking certain things during the appointment that perhaps I should really voice. I am trying hard to do that however and was somewhat successful in doing so towards the end of the appointment when I whinged about something that has been on my mind of late.

It sort of makes me think that this type of therapy is supposed to be painstakingly slow. Maybe if it wasn't, then too many issues would come out within quick succession of each other and it would be too much to handle or something. Still, I wish that I had a greater understanding of what was happening, if anything, and what the ultimate goal would be.