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Umm, where do I start tonight?

I chucked a sickie today. I couldn't face going into work at all. Instead, I stayed at home, lay on the bed all morning feeling completely out of it and finally fell asleep shortly after midday.

I woke up to my mobile phone ringing around 4:30pm. It was Craig, the other teacher aide who works with the indigenous students at my school. He was a complete sweetie. He asked how I was going and if he could do anything to help. He then filled me in on what happened at work today.

After hanging up from the call, I went straight out into the front yard to water the garden. It's my therapy. Unfortunately it wasn't particularly good therapy today, as the thoughts quickly invaded my head again. Jo rang, however. Talking with her for a short while did help a little.

As a result of yesterday's experiences and today's ongoing thoughts, I don't feel overly safe. I don't know what to do. Yesterday, my pdoc told me to phone him if I continued to be, well, like I was during yesterday's appointment. Part of me wants to phone him and tell him that everything has gone to hell. Part of me wants to retreat to the relative safety of a nice hospital room. I'm not making solid plans though. It's just a strong desire, knowing that I probably have the means to follow up on this desire at the moment.

What about work though? I can't fuck up with work again, can I? I think I will see how things go tonight. It's time to take my meds and go to bed anyhow. Tomorrow I will go to work regardless and take it from there.