Not One of My Best Days

Today wasn't one of my better days. Although work was fine and perhaps even a bit of an escape from what I was feeling, my thoughts weren't the brightest. In short, I struggled throughout the day.

To begin with, I woke up not feeling the best in an emotional sense. One of my earliest thoughts today was of not wanting to be around. I didn't particularly want to have to face going to work. I wanted to stay at home and, well, self harm.

On arriving at the workplace, I was still in the same frame of mind. Thankfully my boss greeted me and we had a short conversation about her dental appointment on Sunday. When I was leaving the office to attend my first class, I told her that I was not having a good day so far. I even told her of my desire to SH. Given her recent history, she understood where I was coming from and said a few kind words of encouragement before I left for class.

Thankfully attending my classes today did offer me some reprieve from my thoughts. Unfortunately, however, the thoughts swiftly returned during my breaks. I was obviously not particularly successful in faking my way through the day because the other teacher aide with whom I work asked me what was wrong during one of our cigarette runs.

When I arrived home for the day, I did give into temptation for a short time. Unfortunately I haven't done anywhere near enough to achieve that buzz or relaxed feeling, so I am still thinking of it. Hubby arrives home from work soon though, so that is it for the time being. One little cut is going to be difficult to hide from the students tomorrow. At this stage, however, I don't really care.