Touching Base

It's been a while since I have written a post on how I have been going with my moods, emotions and such. The truth is that I had been feeling incredibly low there for a while and felt like I needed to take a break from focusing daily on my state of wellbeing when I posted to this journal. It's time to reflect a little however and touch base with myself again.

To begin with, I guess I don't feel in touch with myself. I feel shallow, lost to myself. I think I might be missing the substance that I used to have, way back there during a time that I have largely forgotten. I'm pretty sure that that time existed though. It's just that the longer this lasts, the less sure I am.

Maybe it all comes back to the "just existing" thing. I'm not sure. All that I know is that this doesn't feel right. Having said that though, I don't know if I really care to live or not. As I have mentioned before, it is the just existing that has kept me going. I cannot hope that there is more. It is too dangerous.

Gawd, is this making any sense at all?

Secondly, I seem to be getting into the razor play again. I went so long with not being able to do it. It's becoming easier again though. I am wanting to do it. I am wanting to go further with it. For the first time in a long time this morning, I had the "aaaahhhhhh" feeling when I did it. That's why it can be so alluring. I guess I should be thankful thank it is only incredibly superficial and that I haven't burnt again.

So there it is. That was my "touching base" post. Despite what I have written, I am actually travelling okay, at least outwardly anyway. It's just the inside that is barren.