Damn!

I'm having a hell of a hard time trying to battle a shit load of anxiety at the moment. I'm feeling incredibly jittery. I feel like my whole body is shaking but I don't think that it actually is. I can't seem to concentrate on any task that I try to do in order to take my mind off what is happening to me. So, I thought I would try writing about what I am feeling to see if I could ease this horrible sensation. Maybe focusing on writing might help. You never know.

This morning I woke up knowing that I had to leave the house fairly early to stock up on our ever dwindling supply of milk, cigarettes and toilet paper. That was okay though. I procrastinated over several cups of coffee and surfing the Net for a short time before finally getting off my butt to grab a shower and freshen up. After my shower I decided to head out. At that stage I was feeling fine ... perhaps slightly numb, but other than that no troubles at all.

Something clicked inside of me once I was out of the house though. I began to feel incredibly uncomfortable being outside the house. The stupid thing is that I chose only to go to the servo on the corner to pick up my supplies. The servo is a whole one minute drive from my house. It's not like I was surrounded by a multitude of people in a shopping centre or anything.

Anyway, the whole going out thing was quite some time ago but I still haven't been able to calm down. Fuck! I've tried reading the newspaper which I bought at the servo. No dice! I just flipped through a couple of pages without reading anything and gave up. I tried to sit down and have a go at the newspaper's crossword puzzle. I've completed a few clues but it as sure as hell hasn't helped me calm down.

On to writing this post! I'm forcing myself to write in complete sentences with acceptable grammar however my heart is still thumping away in my chest. Damn! I should be going out again today. I bought an item off eBay on the weekend and I need to pop down to the bank to make a direct deposit to pay for the item. Hubby is whinging about not haven't much left in the fridge to drink too.

Don't you just love times like these! Is it naughty to pop a Seroquel tablet in order to calm down a bit? I wonder!