I would rather be writing a fun, light-hearted post tonight about mice or dogs or anything really. If truth be known though, the depressed mood I've been experiencing on and off since Tuesday is really starting to weigh me down. I woke up late this morning feeling like crap and have struggled with the feeling throughout the entire day.
Going shopping today was its own form of hell. Sometimes I wish I didn't live in this small town so that everytime I stepped outside the house I didn't have to run into someone I know. Having to say, "Fine thankyou," to the obligatory "Hi, how are you's," today made me feel like curling up into a tight ball to sob uncontrollably in the middle of the grocery store. Of course I just continued on with my shopping like nothing was wrong.
I hate having to live this lie. It's been a year and a half since I was first officially diagnosed with major depression. The concept of dissociation came later when the pdoc became involved. The major depression has largely gone I think, but I am as sure as hell that the dysthymia and dissociation remain. The longer mental illness continues, the more it feels like you have to hide its impact from your friends and family. They just seem to tire of it. It's bloody hard to keep that public mask up, and days like today, it is damn near impossible.
ring me disso, seriously, just ring me if u need to talk bout stuff or whatever.
ReplyDeleteu don't need to hide any of ure craziness from me, lol.
on a lighter note, am glad ure blogging now! is good huh!
ring me anytime,
j
the people who do understand you are out there, and we are listening. just muster the courage to hang on to tomorrow because it will let up.
ReplyDeletehi d andy here, thanx for ur c'ments.do u mind if i read ur stuff or no?
ReplyDeleteJoey, I tend to go underground when I am at my worst, but I'll try to pick up the phone. Promise.
ReplyDeleteGabbi, thankyou for your wise words.
Ted/Andy, hiya and welcome to the blogosphere. You are welcome to visit and have a read through my blog whenever you want. Just remember that I am not completely crazy though. ;)
ta disso i luv ure take on shite...
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteim serious you are hot!!
ReplyDeletesince townsville days..
ReplyDeleteso there..!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I hate having to "hide" my illness too. People just don't want to hear it but then they say, "Oh you look good." When you actually feel like shit. You get to be a good actor/actress with a mental illness. As for the grocery store? I hate them. I especially hate Super Wal-Mart. I can't STAND all the stimuli in these stores. It's constant havoc and choas. Anyway, I hope things improve for ya.
ReplyDeleteJames, thanks. You are a sweetie ... a wicked sweetie, but a sweetie nonetheless. :)
ReplyDeleteAndy, which is it? When you wrote your comments were you drunk or high, or both drunk and high? LOL Seriously tho mate, have I got to teach you some internet smarts or what? Posting your phone no. on the net ... eek! I deleted that comment for you. Oh, and you have your last name in your blog profile. You might want to lose that too.