Inside Looking Out

I'm sitting here in front of my laptop listening to my drunken neighbours. They are having one of their semi-regular barbeque evenings with their family and friends. Sounds, sights and smells! Sounds ... drunken bravado and adults and children enjoying themselves. Sights ... their outdoor lights shining through my open window. Smells ... of sausages barbequing away.

Earlier this afternoon, I chatted briefly with a friend who lives down in the 'real world' (i.e. in S.E. Qld). She spoke of the fun she had last night when she went out with her sister. She also said that she was going out tonight for dinner with some friends and then hopefully onto the local night clubs with her netball buds. She's been through a hell of a lot lately. I hope she has a great time.

But ...

I must admit that I am feeling a little out of step with the world tonight. I just can't seem to live in it at the moment. There are just too many people out there. Even stepping foot into a shopping centre is a scary thing. I can remember a time when window shopping and people watching were two of my favourite activities. Hey, I was a student then, so didn't have a lot of money to do much else.

Since leaving hospital weeks ago, I haven't even been visiting a close friend in town. I have only been around to her place once, yet I used to visit her incredibly regularly. She has been there for me through everything I have experienced over this past year or so, so why does it feel so strange visiting her?

So, I hide away inside the house which I share with my husband. I am awake most of the night and I sleep most of the day. Simple things like having a shower and getting dressed are a struggle. I have to force myself to leave the house, even if it is to go out into the front yard and water the garden.

I must admit that I'm getting better with those day-to-day things ... slowly. Heck, I even did a couple of loads of laundry over the past couple of days. I might even consider cleaning the kitchen and doing some ironing later tonight. Now that is challenging myself! No wonder my husband gets frustrated with me.

Speaking of my husband, he will be home from work in a few minutes. Time for my mask to raise again. I'm fine. Tomorrow is another day. :S