Friday, June 10, 2005

Dissociation!! ... WTF?

Dissociation: the splitting off of certain mental processes from the main body of consciousness, with varying degrees of autonomy resulting. (The Macquarie Concise Dictionary, 1982)

Let me just say that I am relatively new to this dissociation thing and still getting used to the fact that I apparently do it. Apparently? Well, apparently everybody dissociates from time to time to some extent. You know that feeling when you are driving along the highway for a while and you suddenly stop and think, "I don't remember passing such and such"? Apparently that is dissociation in one of its simplest forms. Having a dissociative disorder is when the dissociation becomes a greater part of one's life, as a unconscious coping mechanism. For a proper look at what dissociation is from a psychiatric point of view, see "What is Dissociation".

Dissociation for me is:
  • Losing time / doing things I don't remember (thankfully I am only aware of this happening a couple of times);
  • Having no access to my emotions or feelings ... feeling completely numb or void, unable to connect with any feelings regarding certain situations, unable to have normal thought processes;
  • Feeling like I am an incomplete person ... like I am one-dimensional;
  • Feeling like I have been taken over by another entity ... I still exist somewhere within my body, but this entity has forced me so far down within my own body that I don't control it anymore;
  • Feeling unconnected with my past, like it was another me that lived it;
  • Having a really bad memory;
  • Feeling like I'm somehow out of wack with my surroundings ... they are colourless, barren.
Gotta say ... it makes life interesting.

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