Thinking Out Loud

Mmmm ... maybe I am not so much thinking out loud as thinking in type. Oh well, it sounded like a good idea for a post title anyway.

In short, I feel like death this afternoon. Something clicked in my head a few hours ago, opening the floodgates wide and allowing the depressive thoughts to roll on in. Ugh! Why does this sort of crap happen? I wasn't thinking negatively at the time or anything. I had just finished working on my TAFE assignment and then bang, it happened.

During my aimless wandering around the Internet, trying to keep the sadness at bay, I visited a bookmarked employment website for the first time in ages. While browsing the available jobs, one of them caught my eye. The particular position is part of a community visitor program for children in some form of out-of-home care. Employment is only on a casual basis too.

Through the gloom which has descended on my head, I must admit that the position sounds somewhat interesting. To begin with, it is only casual. Surely I can keep up with casual employment and it wouldn't interrupt my current studies. This sort of position is what I trained for too, although admittedly many years ago now. Through my past work at the school, I know that I like working with kids. Also on the bright side is that it pays thirty bucks an hour plus expenses. That is definitely nothing to be sneezed at. Hubby and I could use the extra cash now and then.

There is a down side however and unfortunately it is all about me. I don't feel strong enough. I suck at being employed ... always have. I doubt my ability to do ... well, any job really. Gawd, I could go on forever but it is just too overwhelming.

Maybe I shouldn't think about it and just try writing up an application. It has to be down in Brissie by Monday so I only have a couple of days in which to write the thing. Chances are I wouldn't get a look in anyway, so what's it gonna hurt, sending off an application.