Finally! The Week is Drawing to a Close

I am glad that this week is coming to an end. Although in reality it probably wasn’t, this week certainly feels like it was incredibly full-on. With Kara being ill, multiple trips over to the small smoke to visit the vet, my trip into the semi big smoke on Wednesday and my photography expeditions, I feel completely knackered. I need a bloody good sleep but I haven’t even bothered to take my meds yet tonight. Considering my meds help with the whole falling asleep thing, I guess I’m going to be having another late night with no chance of a sleep-in tomorrow and be whinging about feeling worn out again. The things we do to ourselves, hey.

Since I am on the topic of doing things that aren’t particularly helpful to one’s wellbeing, why oh why do I continue to visit the local shopping centre on Saturdays? I know that crowds in shopping centres have the tendency to freak me out, yet I still do stupid things like wait to the very last minute to fill a prescription and thus force myself to venture into the shopping centre when it is at its busiest.

Obviously today was no exception. I started to feel uncomfortable the second I walked through the shopping centre’s entrance. By the time I entered the pharmacy only to be confronted with seemingly scores of people just milling around aimlessly, I was ready to flee. And flee I did! I couldn’t hang around in the shopping centre waiting for my script to be filled. It was just too much. Instead I went to the less busy by far newsagency at the top of town (as opposed to the one in the shopping centre), quickly browsed through the magazines and walked out empty handed. How ridiculous! If laboratory rats and pigeons can learn to avoid negative stimulation, why the hell can’t I? It would appear that laboratory animals have a far greater intelligence than I do. *sigh*

Perhaps the most unfortunate thing about this morning’s experience is that it reminded me that something isn’t quite right. Once upon a time I used to love going to shopping centres just to browse around the stores. Now it fills me with a rather pronounced undercurrent of anxiety and discomfort. I guess I had been lulled into a false sense of normalcy over the past couple of weeks given my relatively good mood. The sharp reminder that things are not okay was a bitter pill to swallow.

It’s funny how life turns out. Surely at some stage during my life I harboured dreams of a happy, meaningful and contented future. It was never meant to be.