I'm not with it at all tonight. I'm typing through a murky fog. Nothing appears to be in focus but its not because I've taken out my contact lens. It was like this before I took out "my eyesight". I feel sluggish. I'm moving around, doing my end-of-night chores (i.e. feeding the furries, taking them out for their last wee walk for the evening, making myself a cup of tea) but I don't know ... it's just not right. I feel like I have retreated into my body and my movements are incidental, automatic.
Why this way? I picked up my weapon of choice tonight. As per the norm, no real damage has been done, except to make myself check out like I have. In a way, I wanted this to happen. I wanted not to be here. The dark thoughts have returned and have been swirling through my head. I needed an escape. It never works out that way though.
I hate this.
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