It’s been a bit of a strange day today. Maybe I am coming down from yesterday’s good mood. Maybe it’s because of the juxtaposition between enjoying watching the motor racing, keeping myself busy by ironing throughout the afternoon and feeling a bit off tonight. Looking back on the day now as I write, it’s almost like I have been seesawing through emotions all day.
I guess I have been feeling blah for so long that I am just used to feeling this way, of thinking this way. I popped out to Shell this evening to buy some items for Hubby’s crib tomorrow. Whilst at the service station, I caught myself thinking of the whole death thing. How I don’t like life. How I don’t think I would enjoy life even if I was to get off my butt and change whatever needed changing. How it would be a blessing when I am finally diagnosed with some fatal illness and how that couldn’t be that far away (surely).
I had similar thoughts this afternoon towards the end of the Bathurst race. I enjoy watching the race. It’s the one race of the year that I religiously watch. The invading thought connected with the race was that of how I would like to still be able to view the race after I am dead, sort of haunt it or something. How strange a thought is that!
Oh well, it’s back to work tomorrow I suppose. Unfortunately it is a student free day. I have been booked in to do the child protection training again. Great ... not! I hope I don’t have to sit through the same videos that they showed the last time I did the training. I don’t want to freak again and have to go racing from the room. Let’s talk of the ways kids self harm and what to do about it. Right! Fuck!
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