The following is related to burning as a method of self harm, self injury or whatever you want to call it.
After a few short days, your blistery creation will eventually spring a leak. It will start weeping (hopefully) watery liquid (if it is not infected). This liquid runs! Everywhere! If you burnt your arm, it will run down the length of your forearm and around to the underside of your arm. The watery liquid will transfer to anything it touches, like a computer keyboard for example. It will drip everywhere.
At the same time, it will start to itch. Really itch! Although you know that you probably shouldn't, you will want to rip open the blister/s and scratch the living daylights out of the wound. You will try your hardest to resist the urge as you know that if it is an open wound, it runs the risk of getting affected. Not that you particularly care about the possible infection. You just don't want to have to bother about taking care of the wound or taking any more medication. You're on enough already.
So, you will sit there for ages desperately wanting to scratch but you are unable to. Intermittently, you will wipe the leakage from your arm and the computer keyboard or whatever else it has touched. You will seriously consider burning the area again. After all, it will stop the itching temporarily and to be brutally honest, it will feel good.
But it doesn't stop there. Your loved one will eventually notice the new wound no matter how much you tried to hide it from him/her. Initially you will be cautious about hiding it from them, but you will drop your guard. After all, the wound and scars become natural after a while. They are just "one of those things" and you don't consider their presence to be different. When your loved one finally notices the new wound, s/he will stare at it. Really stare at it! S/he will say something along the lines of, "Not again! You were doing so well." You will think to yourself, "Yeah, right! I was doing so well ... not."
By chance you leave the house (not that you want to but sometimes it can't be avoided), there will be at least one stranger that draws attention to your scars and current wound. This stranger will say something like, "Wow! What happened to your arms?" For a brief moment, you will be taken aback. "What?" you think to yourself. But then it suddenly dawns on you and you realise what they are referring to. You mutter some semi-prepared excuse about having a drunken cooking accident and getting burnt by cooking oil. After all, your previous experience has taught you to have some inane excuse prepared.
So, that's it. A day in the life of someone who has to burn. Fun, hey!
:(. Cheer up disso. And here's a joke to help you do it... Three strings walk into a bar, first string asks the bartender if he can have a drink. Bartender says no we dont' serve your kind here. 2nd string seeing this, asks the bartender very politley, please sir, may i have a drink sir?. Bartneder says No we don't serve your kind here. 3rd string seeing all this musses up his hair, ties himself up then goes up and asks for a drink. Bartender says .. Oi ain't you a string? The string says.. No i'm a frayed knot. ...... Boom tish.
ReplyDeleteps:- I can relate, to the addiction, i used to cut myself and it feels very theraputic but it's just the endorphin rush from the pain! Try going for a run, it honestly feels the same and it's good for you rather then vice versa :).
I agree with both of you, I was a cutter and enjoyed the release and the feeling it gave. but it never ended up making me feel better and all I have now are scars to remind me. not really the best outcome!
ReplyDeleteI really like the way you wrote about it. just the right amount of oogy descriptiveness and wry humor mixed with the cold hard truth. I hope your writing can help yourself and others :)