My gawd, it's getting hot around here. Summer has certainly caught up with us. The temperature is now reaching the high 30's (celius) every day. I'm just waiting for the temperature to breach the 40 mark. Hubby and I have both household airconditioners running and it is still over 30 degrees in the kitchen even now as I type these words. Yuck! It's definitely time to consider moving down to Tasmania. (I wish!)Today I drove into the semi big smoke for my final pdoc appointment for the year. Due to my recent "Because of You" post and subsequent dream, I was concerned that I would completely numb out again when my pdoc addressed what I had written. Thankfully I didn't. I was very much in a "keep things light" mode throughout the entire appointment. I guess this helped me to not freak out when discussing family issues. While it was great to remain in the here and now, I don't know how helpful the "keep things light" mode was to the therapy process. Not to worry though. There will be other appointments.
<-- Begin outburst -->
*Tries to convince self that I have the right to feel angry and hurt but secretly wonders if I really do*
Why, why, why do I hold so much resentment? Why, why, why have I felt depressed and unworthy for most of my life? I truly don't get it! How many freakin' puppies did I kill in my former life?
Yes, she made mistakes. Yes, she will never acknowledge that she did. Let's face it though, things could have been a hell of a lot worse. I was never abused or anything like that.
You know, I still wonder what the point is. Nothing is going to magically change. I am always going to struggle with feeling like shit. I have since I was a teenager. There is no conceivable reason why things should change now.
<-- End outburst -->
Kym:
ReplyDeletemy heart goes out to you hon. so-called "normal" people just dont understand what a day-to-day struggle we go thru just to hold on to that very thin thread of sanity.
i feel your frustrationn and all i can say is that it's good that we have blogs to vent our frustrations, our small moments of clarity of mind, and anything else we damn well please LOL.
just know that you are not alone. take care of yourelf because there is only one YOU.
Hugs
(((((((((((((Kym))))))))))))
Miz E
disso
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel. I was never abused either, but there were mistakes made, things I find hard to "get over". It's tough. But all I try to do is live out my life the best I can. The negativity will hang about me like a cloud always though.
The weather here isn't that much better over here! It's been hot and humid. Urg!!! But we're maybe 22 to 25 degrees. And I'm complaining! I can't imagine what 30 will be like!