The Strangeness Inside My Head

I'm tired, or at least I know I am because my eyesight has gone all fuzzy. I'm feeling quite down and not quite with it too. What a way to end a year. I guess it might as well end like it began.

Maybe I should wrap up 2005 with a post reflecting on the year? Mmm, on second thought why bother! There is not much to tell. I sat on my butt until late September, worked for a couple of months and now I am back sitting on my butt again. What a year! I guess it wasn't as up and down as 2004. Still, I could have done without living through these past twelve months. It wouldn't have mattered.

Let's see! What else is there to write about? I know! Cemeteries!

After wandering around Emerald Cemetery the other day, taking photographs of the angels and kangaroos, GBF and I decided to take a drive out to the local cemetery yesterday afternoon. We were hoping to spot some more kangaroos, but there were none to be seen. Instead, I strolled around the small graveyard, reading the memorial plaques while GBF busied himself taking photographs of the little "forget-me-nots" that families had left beside their loved ones graves.

/ begin insanity

There's something about the little local cemetery though, something that's not apparent at the Emerald Cemetery. There is a pronounced sense of sadness lurking amongst the graves. I am not given to clairsentinence or anything, so I was surprised I could feel it so deeply. I mentioned the feeling to GBF who (thankfully) indicated that he could feel it too. I could almost swear that a little boy who had passed over had taken up permanent residence in the cemetery.

It got weirder though. I must have let my mind wander too far because the knowledge that I don't have too much longer to wander around this godforsaken world came over me in a huge way. I don't know what it is with me and this feeling. It's just something that keeps hanging around and popping into my consciousness every now and again. It's another thing that I have to live with, I suppose.

/ end insanity

Anyway, here's to 2006! Let it be, oh, another year I guess.

That'd Be Right

Your 2005 Song was ...

"Boulevard of Broken Dreams"
by Green Day

"My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating"

In 2005, you bummed everyone out. Like you care.

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

The Lost Photograph

Below is a very special photograph taken during my recent road trip. Unfortunately I can't lay claim to the image. It's all oliverharold's doing.

The photograph proves that Australia has it's very own "Nessie". Then again, maybe all it proves is that alcohol and similar substances make for strange graphical images. I can't be sure.

Perhaps the photograph is worth submitting to a cryptozoology website? Mmmm, now there's a thought!

Melancholic Aftermath

I'm not sure what to write other than I am feeling rather pensive at present. I'm not entirely certain why. Maybe it is related to me not taking my meds until late last night and therefore sleeping the day away today. Maybe it is due to my outing yesterday and the resulting emptiness that has swept through my psyche. Maybe it is biological. After all I am a woman and well, to be blunt, it is that time of the month. Whatever the reason, my mood always seems to return to this state of melancholy sooner or later. It will never truly leave me. Take it or leave it, it is part of who I am.

I'm confused I think. Promises both made and imagined have been broken. Life equates to emptiness. Hope remains elusive. Am I afraid to allow hope into my life? Probably! Am I afraid to take the steps that may be required? Perhaps. Are chances worth taking? No they aren't, if history has anything to say about it.

There is not much more to say. Instead I will end this post with an image I've been meaning to make for a number of days. Tonight, I finally did.

Road Tripping

My GBF and I took ourselves off on a whistle-stop road trip around central Queensland today. Our trip focused on a town called Emerald and its surrounds. By central Queensland standards, Emerald is a cute little place. It boasts the most amazing railway station that I have ever seen. Silly me didn't think to take a photo of that gorgeous building though. Oops!

Luckily, we did manage to get a few nice photos of some of the other highlights of our journey. The following are a selection of these photos. There are some others over on my Flickr page.

The Comet Pub

On the way home from Emerald, we stopped at the Comet Pub for a quick drink. It's such a gorgeous pub. The pub's interior is as amazing as its exterior. It's filled with all manner of countrified paraphernalia.

Alpha Roo

Another one of our road trip's destinations was the Emerald Cemetery. The cemetery hosted a family of kangaroos that were lounging around underneath the trees. I'm not entirely certain that this guy appreciated our presence however. He was certainly keeping a close eye on us, making sure we didn't step out of line.

Blue Angel

I love wandering around old cemeteries and thankfully my GBF didn't think I was completely over the top when I suggested we visit. This angel sits atop one of the graves in the older section of the cemetery.

Check out the central Queensland summer sky! Not a cloud in sight!

Cockatoo

Just outside of Emerald is Fairburn Dam which holds the town's water supply (I think). We sat ourselves underneath one of the park's shady trees and were delighted to discover that were several cockatoos hanging around in the tree. We spent ages photographing the birds.

Mum and Joey

I had a good day. My GBF has blown through this red-neck haven like a breath of fresh air. It did me a world of good to get out of the house, out of this town and just hang out amongst cockatoos, kangaroos, graves and nature in general. I don't usually get the chance to do that. I found it refreshing and I only thought of driving into on-coming traffic the one time. The outing must have done me good!

New Web Ring

I'll admit it. I was bored.

Since rejoining the ranks of the unemployed, I've been spending far too much time wandering aimlessly around the blogosphere. I found several different ways to promote blogs, hence all the new little buttons on the side bar. (Eek! I hope I haven't gone overboard with them). I also rediscovered the world of web rings after not paying much attention to them since I joined a couple of my original websites up with a few rings years ago.

When searching for appropriate web rings to join, I found a lack of rings specifically aimed at bloggers whose lives have been impacted by mental illness. There are a handful of great web rings out there, e.g. Bipolar Planet, but I couldn't find a ring that was related to both blogging and a wide variety of psychiatric illnesses.

As a result, I decided to create my own web ring, Blogging Survivors. It's hosted by WebRing. The ring's purpose is to unite anyone and everyone who keeps a blog or online journal and identifies as having some form of mental illness, has a family member who has a mental illness or perhaps even just writes about mental health issues in a supportive or informative manner. Hopefully through joining together we can create a supportive atmosphere among all us bloggers out there.

Feel free to take a look at the blog I created for the ring. I need at least one more person to join up to make the ring viable. (Hint, hint!) *smiles innocently*

Boxing Day Wrap Up

Well, Christmas is over for another year. As anticipated, Hubby and I had a very quiet one at home. We exchanged presents in the morning, went back to bed and slept for another few hours and then had dinner around 7:00pm or so.

May I just say that I cooked the best roast chicken of my life yesterday! It was delicious! My coleslaw and potato salad weren't too shabby either. Normally I would just buy pre-packaged salads but the local grocery store was all out of salads on Christmas eve. The joys of living in a town with only one grocery store, hey! Should I admit to buying pre-made dressings though? Nah! That would mean I still cheated a little. *smiles*

I've been feeling seriously non-emotional these past couple of days. I'm feeling nothing, nada, zilch! I didn't even get angry with Hubby yesterday when he continued to play his computer game for another hour or so after I woke up. Normally I would sit there seething at such behaviour on a day like yesterday, but I didn't give a rat's butt. I won't go as far as saying that I am numbing out or anything. It doesn't feel as bad as that. I'm just in a non-emotional state I guess.

Now these next couple of paragraphs probably fall into the category of TMI (too much information) so feel free to finish reading here. I need to mention it for myself though. Here goes! Don't say I didn't warn you.

The issue of sex is seriously weighing heavily on my mind. Yesterday Hubby was, to put it bluntly, as horny as hell. He was trying every trick in his little book to tempt me into caving in and giving him a bit. I just couldn't though. I can't even stand the thought of it and what it means.

I remember a very short period years and years ago (about the time I first met Hubby) when I really enjoyed sex. It was the first time in my life that I actually was into it. This period didn't last very long though. What the hell changed? To be honest, I couldn't care less if I ever got any again. This can't be good for my marriage, yet I feel like there is nothing I can (or perhaps want to) do about it.

Anyway, to end this post on a brighter note, the above photo is of a couple of the gifts which Hubby got me for Christmas. All up he got me a handbag that I had my eye on for a while, the little crystal dog shown in the picture, a set of three tea light candle holders as also pictured and a gorgeous little "K" gold pendant. They are all lovely gifts. Thanks Hubby!