What A Way To Wash The Car!

What a wild ride! This afternoon's drive home from the semi big smoke was certainly eventful. I drove through the biggest storm. There were bits of trees flying everywhere. The sound of hail hitting the car was nothing short of scary (my poor car!). A whole bunch of cars and trucks, including me, had to stop on the side of the highway because the pelting rain reduced visibility to almost nothing. Summer storms, hey! They can certainly pack a punch!

After the rain had eased and I was on the road again, I thought to myself how wonderful the pelting rain had been. It's not often that my poor car gets any type of wash. I was thinking to myself that the car would now be sparkling clean due to all the water that had just rushed over it.

Alas, it wasn't to be. A short distance up the road I became stuck behind the bane of my driving existence. Not one, but two cattle road trains blocked my path. By the time I managed to pass the both of them, my poor car was covered in cattle pee and poop. Disgusting! And, oh my gawd, the stench was hideous!

Ack! The joys of living in and driving around central Queensland. I must be nuts!

Wednesday's Head Shrink

As appointments with my pdoc go, this afternoon's one was quite tame. The main topic of conversation was what had been recently occurring at my workplace. No surprises there I guess, considering how much I have written about it during the past week.

Towards the end of the appointment, my pdoc said something that perhaps I've needed to hear since all of these troubles with work began. He indicated that what has been happening sounded like workplace bullying which had developed from the initial incident.

In a way, I feel vindicated. Someone outside of the issue has read it in the same way as I have. It is okay that I feel anger about what has transpired. I'm not overreacting. I feel a tad relieved about this. It has been such a huge issue over this past week.

Grrrroooowwwwl

Huge, mega growls!
(Hehe ... not one of my most flattering photos)

More incredibly frustrating shenanigans occurred at work today. Thankfully they weren't directed at me this time. Unfortunately though, they were directed at my coworker.

Every time something ridiculous occurs I become even more annoyed and disillusioned with my workplace. Grrr, grrr, grrr and grrr! My poor line manager had to listen to me swear my head off in her office this afternoon. Bring on the summer holidays. Please!

For better or worse, I have decided to let things slide as much as I can. The nasty truth is that if I decide to take anything further, I risk any remaining possibility (however slim now) of gaining a bit of work there next year. Ahhh, self preservation! I am such a wimp!

There is a "funny" side to all this however. After my explosion in my line manager's office, I apologised for making a scene. My coworker turned to me and said, "Don't worry. You are allowed to have emotions". I had to have a silent giggle to myself. Isn't this whole depression, dissociation, loss of self thing related to me not allowing myself to experience emotions properly? What an insightful response to my apology!

What a Shock!

I can't believe it! Am I dreaming? Do I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm awake? I actually had a good day at work today! Woohoo!

I woke up this morning completely dreading the thought of having to go to work today. With all that has been going on at work of late, and due to the fact that it is the second last week of school and teachers are notoriously famous for not planning anything other than watching DVD's after all the assessment has been finalised, I thought today would be the start of a horribly boring and tedious week. How mistaken was I though! The teachers of all my classes today had thoughtful, productive and interesting lessons planned for their students. I was greatly surprised and incredibly thankful. For the remainder of the week, I am definitely crossing my fingers that the teachers continue to use their imaginations as well as they did today. I can only hope, hey.

Even better still, now that I am home from work for the day, my relatively good mood seems to be sticking around. How great is that! It's wonderfully refreshing to experience what can be described as a good day. It certainly breaks the gloomy monotony.

Photo credit: stock.xchng - the leading free stock photography site

I Got a Couple!

A nice, little summer storm blew through town this afternoon. For the first time ever, I decided to break out the camera to see if I could snap a couple of photographs of lightning. I can't believe I actually got a couple of half-decent shots! *pats self on back*



There's no stopping me now! Every time a storm threatens I'm going to sit myself on the front verandah of my house and snap away. Who knows! There may just be a spectacular lightning strike with my name on it.

Only On Days That End In "Y"

I'm feeling depressed. Oh, it's a day that ends in "y". That must be the reason. *sigh*

When is this going to end? It's becoming so damn monotonous. I'm tired of feeling that inner ache of sadness. Enough is enough already! At the very least, please bring back that consistent numbness. At least that is bearable.

I went out last night. Two of my coworkers and I got together around at one of their houses and drank the night away. We laughed, chatted and sang drunken songs. It should have been fun, and considering I laughed until my tummy hurt several times, I'm sure that it was. It doesn't feel like it was now though. What I remember feeling is that insipid sense of sadness within me. It just never bloody well goes away.

Why Personal Blogs Rule!

While surfing through blogs today, I stumbled upon the following informative entry at The Psychology of Combating Stress, Depression & Addiction blog.

The personal reflection and exploration of journaling can be extremely beneficial for your health, according to researchers from the University of Texas.

"Research suggests that when people write about emotional upheavals in their lives, improvements in physical and psychological health can result," said James W. Pennebaker, chair of the department of Psychology.

By enabling clearer thinking, expressive writing helps individuals get past trauma. It also helps them improve their social relationships as they get better at talking, laughing and being more at ease with others, Pennebaker said.

Through writing, people are able to observe their patterns of behavior and how they handle various situations, said George Holmes, a psychologist at the University of South Carolina School of Medicine.

"If you have to write something, you have to sit down, reflect on the events, put them in some kind of order," he said. "And as you're doing that, there's a certain level of mastery of the situation or anxiety that occurs."

What a great incentive to keep writing about our life experiences and how we react to them. I am certainly not surprised to read something along the lines of the above. For me, writing down what I have experienced has been my outlet.

When I first felt like I was losing touch with myself, my feelings and my emotions, I put pen to paper virtually straight away (although maybe it would be more correct to say that I put fingers to keyboard). I have been journaling in some form or another for well over a year now. Sometimes I worry that I write far too frankly or far too darkly, especially for such a forum as an online personal blog, however without writing I doubt I would be where I am today. Perhaps I wouldn't have reclaimed the parts of myself that I have. I certainly wouldn't have been able to express what I am feeling. Things are still tough, especially at the moment, but thankfully, because of personal journaling, I have at least made some headway.

So, here's to blogging, and in particular personal blogging!